In a recent article for La Flama entitled “There’s a Demeaning Book About Latinas on Sale Right Now,” feminista Alicia Barron openly called on Amazon to ban my latest #1 bestseller, Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States. Raquel Reichard, Politics and Culture Editor at Latina magazine and Latina.com, quickly seconded the motion in a column entitled “This Sexist and Racist White Guy Writes Books That Degrade Latinas.” And Marjua Estevez of Vibe.com chimed in with a similar piece entitled “Racist, Misogynist Author Writes Guide to Dating Latina ‘Species’ of the United States.” Then clapping seals who read this drivel vandalized the book’s Amazon page with phony 1-star reviews.
Feminists are entitled to their opinion, of course, but their book-banning campaign wasn’t just ridiculous and un-American. It was hypocritical, and I can prove it by exposing the flagrant hypocrisy of Lindy West and Erin Gloria Ryan at Jezebel with with respect to my first book, Field Guide to Chicks of the United States.
On May 8, 2012, more than four months before Field Guide to Chicks of the United States was printed or otherwise available, Lindy West published a blog post in Jezebel entitled “The 92 ‘Species’ of Women According to an Incredibly Stupid Dude from a P90X Video,” wherein she labeled my book “Sexist Garbage,” “Creepy,” and racist. The following day, Emma Grey, Executive Women’s Editor at Huff Post Women, piled on with a column entitled, wait for it… “Joe Bovino’s ‘Field Guide to Chicks of the United States’ May Be Worst Book Ever.” That’s right, Ms. Grey hadn’t read the book either but thought it might be worse than Mein Kampf.
If you love Tony Horton but remember your first grueling day of P90X, this is for you.
IDENTIFICATION: The Nuyorican [noo-yorree-kan], also known as the “Ledge” and the “Shelf,” tends to have an urban or ghetto-urban style due to extensive intermingling of Latin and black cultures in the region, but she glams it up at times. Look for a big, protruding butt, with naturally small to medium-sized breasts, golden brown skin, a prominent forehead, beautiful brown eyes, and long, dark brown hair. Often petite to medium-height. Breast implants are not the norm but increasingly common.
NOTABLES: Rosie Perez, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Caban (model girlfriend of Bruno Mars), LaLa Anthony, Talisa Soto, Adrienne Bailon (1/2 Ecuadorable), Rosario Dawson (1/2 NYC So Ho’), and Raquel Reichard (book-banning feminista).
WHOA! – TWO POTATOES ON STICKS: Jennifer Lopez is America’s most famous Nuyorican. She put it this way: “As a Latin woman in the United States, you’re taught that you should be skinnier, that you shouldn’t have such a big butt. You feel self-conscious. I did. I was really thin, but I had a booty on me that you would not believe, like two potatoes on sticks.” There was, however, a fringe benefit: “I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.”
SONG: Talks quickly and loudly. Tends to curse, use urban slang, say “culo” (ass) and “Que carajo!” (What the f*ck!), mangle grammar, and gesture dramatically. Often refers to her man affectionately as “papi” (daddy) or “chulo” (cutie) unless she’s upset with him, in which case he’s a “pendejo” (dumbass) or “sangano” (idiot). Frequently speaks English (or Spanglish) rather than Spanish but conversant in both languages.
The hardest day of P90X for most Average Joe’s is Day 2, Plyometrics or “Plyo X.” Not so for Mr. P90X, Tony Horton, who loves every minute of it.