If you love Tony Horton but remember your first grueling day of P90X, this is for you.
IDENTIFICATION: The Nuyorican [noo-yorree-kan], also known as the “Ledge” and the “Shelf,” tends to have an urban or ghetto-urban style due to extensive intermingling of Latin and black cultures in the region, but she glams it up at times. Look for a big, protruding butt, with naturally small to medium-sized breasts, golden brown skin, a prominent forehead, beautiful brown eyes, and long, dark brown hair. Often petite to medium-height. Breast implants are not the norm but increasingly common.
NOTABLES: Rosie Perez, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Caban (model girlfriend of Bruno Mars), LaLa Anthony, Talisa Soto, Adrienne Bailon (1/2 Ecuadorable), Rosario Dawson (1/2 NYC So Ho’), and Raquel Reichard (book-banning feminista).
WHOA! – TWO POTATOES ON STICKS: Jennifer Lopez is America’s most famous Nuyorican. She put it this way: “As a Latin woman in the United States, you’re taught that you should be skinnier, that you shouldn’t have such a big butt. You feel self-conscious. I did. I was really thin, but I had a booty on me that you would not believe, like two potatoes on sticks.” There was, however, a fringe benefit: “I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.”
SONG: Talks quickly and loudly. Tends to curse, use urban slang, say “culo” (ass) and “Que carajo!” (What the f*ck!), mangle grammar, and gesture dramatically. Often refers to her man affectionately as “papi” (daddy) or “chulo” (cutie) unless she’s upset with him, in which case he’s a “pendejo” (dumbass) or “sangano” (idiot). Frequently speaks English (or Spanglish) rather than Spanish but conversant in both languages.